The Futility of 'now-a-day' Weddings

When I told my parents that I’d like to get married in a temple with only the closest around, they looked at me like I was a heretic. They could not comprehend or even accept the thought per se. For somebody who lived in a joint, middle class Brahmin family, such thoughts were not allowed. But I had always been a renegade and this revelation shocked them, though I still consider marriage an event somewhere 3-4 years down the lane.

As I reflected on their reaction to my heresy, I understood the deep social and cultural values that my parents, along with most others have been drawn into. The society in general considers weddings an event where the family’s might of wealth has to be displayed. Ironically, most parents spend or are willing to spend more money on their daughter’s marriage than her education.

What did we know about weddings a few years ago; the engagement and the day of the wedding? Some orthodox Brahmin families conducted two or three more little ceremonies within the house with just the first circle relatives. Well, look at it now. In addition to engagement and wedding, now we have a bachelor party, a pre-wedding photo shoot, a pre-wedding bash and a post wedding shoot.

It all starts with the invitation. For God’s sake, who needs dry fruits inside an invitation? Why? Are these people to whom the invitations are presented unable to earn bread? No, they are probably as rich as you or richer than you. Oh and let’s not forget this pre and post wedding photo shoot. Holy buckets, how can you kiss your fiancee or wife with a photographer and his crony holding a reflector in his hand in Cubbon Park with people around staring at you like aliens from the next galaxy? And to add on to it, you’ll have to change clothes a million times, make your face up for almost every shot and the worst of it all, do all this just for the photo frames in your drawing room and ‘likes’ on your Facebook wall.

Food- my good lord, the money spent, lavishly, which can feed thousands at a time for hundreds, is another criminal waste. Different chefs for different cuisines, the variety of pastries, the alcohol, all this would feed a village of starving people. Instead, we offer it to the same old people in suits and dresses, with huge bungalows and posh cars.

I’ve had distaste for naked attention. I would not say I hate attention, in fact, just the opposite, I love it. But my idea of attention is not to wear a Sherwani, ill-suited to the outside temperature standing next to your girl who is also dressed with the same ill-suited clothes and copious accessories on a dais with focus lights making you collapse any moment because of the heat. You have to acknowledge every one of them, half of whom you have no idea existed. Yet, you have to put out the face of ‘Oh, what a pleasure to meet you, how are you?’

It becomes worse when people are insensitive. I once came across a lady who taunted the poor bride for not remembering her. Someone had to tell her that it was their day and not hers. One or two might quip about your awkward childhood moments in front of your wife and her sister and you’ll be left to hold a poker face for you are on the dais and cameras, more importantly, the gossip mongering eyes of your relatives are on you.

If there is one thing that I’ll always remember from my experiences with attending weddings, it is this. People don’t give a damn about the bride and the groom. They come to satisfy their own wishes. And when I mean people, at least in this context, it is the 2^nd circle people I am talking about since I still firmly believe the first circle are the ones who put it all the effort needed for such a gala event to happen and their wishes and thoughts are mostly genuine.

So, these distant relatives attend your wedding to meet old acquaintances, to dress up and compare themselves with strangers who are equally well dressed, to forge alliances with any girls/boys they find compatible for their children or grandchildren and most importantly, for gossiping. Get that into your mind, they don’t give a damn about you.

Once all this is over, the bride and the groom upload their pictures; the ones from the pre and post wedding photo shoots, the wedding pictures and all the selfies. This is their individual moment of pride to see the likes and comments flowing in. You will invariably find an ‘Awww…’ comment, a ‘What a cute couple’ comment and a ‘Made for each other’ comment. I don’t know if they ask people to comment that way, but it gets on to my nerves. How the heck do you know they are made for each other? You don’t even know one of them. Made for each other? Really? Are they lock and key or something, huh?

As we say in Hindi, ‘Kuch bi.’ They’ll write anything and it is not just the friends. The couple will have a tag line to their picture saying, ‘A ‘Perfect Marriage’ is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.’ Two days later, they find themselves at splits over who that girl Nisha was, who had reacted ‘Love’ to the groom’s solo picture on Facebook.

Having said all that let me make my stand clear. I’m not against a happy wedding event with a lot of relatives and friends coming over to pray and wish for our prosperity and marriage. I’m just against the money that is being spent for pomposity.

The infamous 500 crores wedding by a mining baron in Karnataka shows what extent a man has to go to satisfy his need for power and show of assertion. Like George Carlin often says, men just like to wave their wieners around and come to a conclusion whose is the biggest. It might be crass, but that’s what this society is up to. If I were the Chief Minister of Karnataka, one of my first actions would be to demolish all those fancy places in Palace grounds and convert it into a park, make it a green lung of the city, much like the Central Park in Manhattan, New York City.

Instead of spending money for people who can afford food to come to our wedding and comment on the lack of salt in the food or attention from our parents, we’d as well spend it on the honeymoon. How much more exciting would that be? Save 50% of your wedding expenses and you’ll get yourself a comfortable stay in Switzerland for a couple of weeks with your newly-wed partner. Doesn’t that make more sense?

It’s high time we stop pomposity. We, as a collective group should look down upon pompousness, self-importance and vanity. These are traits of a regressive society. The community needs more happiness and practicality, nothing other than that. Give it a thought…